3 Hidden Symptoms of Unforgiveness Make Life Miserable

Every emotion carries positive and negative reactions. Forgiveness, or in this case, unforgiveness, is no exception. These 3 hidden symptoms of unforgiveness make your life miserable: bitterness, resentment, and a hardened heart. They creep into every relationship you strive to build. Until you recognize the signs, you’ll never accept the problem.

Before you continue reading, ask God to open your heart and mind to the reality that you’re holding unforgiveness in your heart. Hopefully, you’ll recognize some of the symptoms below, which can help you initiate the healing and forgiveness process.

Bitterness

There are many expressions of bitterness. Phrases like, “That’s a bitter pill to swallow” or, “Don’t be bitter, be better!” But they don’t adequately describe how bitterness looks or feels.

Bitterness shows up in all areas of your life – in all your relationships, in your thinking, in your walk with God, at your job, and in how you feel about yourself. The symptoms can remain long after you try to forgive. The hard truth is that if you still exhibit bitterness, unforgiveness remains in your heart.

The proof is clear. You’re probably noticing outbursts of anger, as well as difficulty resolving conflicts. You are subtly attacking the one you “forgave” by talking badly and criticizing when alone with friends. Your communication is harsh and condemning rather than soft and life-giving. You are still suspicious and lack trust. Subconsciously, you may secretly think of ways to get even.

Amos 6:12 says this about payback:

“Can horses gallop over boulders? Can oxen be used to plow them? But that’s how foolish you are when you turn justice into poison and the sweet fruit of righteousness into bitterness.”

Unfortunately, the poisoned revenge doesn’t bother her; it hurts you! It’s killing you. It’s stealing your real life hidden in Christ Jesus. You are drinking the poison and then expecting her to die. That’s bitterness, and when mixed with resentment, it kills your spirit. You need the 3 ways to Stop Unforgiveness from Killing You Right now.

Resentment

Your unforgiving heart creates resentment. Like bitterness, resentment wreaks havoc in all areas of your life. Resentment builds walls. To protect yourself, you created a tall, thick wall of resentment. It guards against future hurt. Your wall doesn’t just shield you from future pain, but it also defends against future love. It surrounds your entire heart, so nothing good or bad can get in. It subtly causes isolation. You created a mask that looks good on the outside, but inside, you’re hiding and shielding your bruised, broken heart.

Within your relationship, resentment often manifests as passive-aggressiveness. Frequently, you find yourself dwelling on what someone did to you. The behavior that hurts you infiltrates your every thought, which leads to a hardening of your heart.

The Bible calls anyone holding on to resentment a fool.

“Surely resentment destroys the fool, and jealousy kills the simple. (Job 5:2)”

“A stone is heavy, and sand is weighty, but the resentment caused by a fool is even heavier. (Proverbs 27:3)”

Unfortunately, by hardening your heart, you bring resentment upon yourself when you choose not to forgive.

Hardened Heart

Hiding behind the wall of resentment is your hardened heart. It toughened over time as a way of protection, but you cannot be hard toward one person and soft toward another. Your rigid, unforgiving heart is stubborn toward both God and others.

To make your heart pliable, you must experience humility, but even before that, God must first break through bitterness and resentment. No one likes the position of a humble servant, but when you don’t choose, God puts you in situations to force humility. You can avoid the lesson by making your own decision.  

Conclusion

My frozen heart caused multiple problems throughout my life. I thought I knew love and how to love according to the spirit, but my love was always conditional in every relationship. On top of that, my heart was stubbornly full of pride. I filtered everything through the lens of criticism; empathy for others was elusive.

God humbled me by placing me in circumstances where I became bottlenecked, forcing me to choose between forgiveness or continuing in my misery. God didn’t push me; I still had an option, but I didn’t want to be miserable anymore, so I chose forgiveness. It was the right choice because now I’m free from the pain of unforgiveness.

It’s possible you feel you’re letting her off the hook by forgiving. If so, it’s likely you believe other forgiveness myths are holding you back from finding freedom. You need to know that forgiveness is a serious matter in God’s economy. Jesus told Peter to forgive a debtor seventy times seven, which means to forgive without stopping. (Matthew 18:21-22) He had a reason for his response. He knows how an unforgiving heart damages you.

Finally, remember that these processes are painful (I don’t want to lie), but they are temporary. Once you choose forgiveness, the softening process initiates. Then, you receive healing and freedom. You’ll notice true forgiveness when the event comes to mind and you feel no more pain.